C'est la vie.

Here I am, sitting in my room with boxes half packed, and laundry I don't see the point in putting away strewn all across my bed. Life feels weird today. I feel like my grip on reality is slightly looser than normal. I can't even seem to grasp the concept of my calendar pages and how they relate to real days that have happened or will happen. I can't even fathom the idea that in one week exactly I will be sitting in a new room, with new furnishings, and a new view from the window. I'll miss my pine forest. I will miss the dancing shadows it casts on my window. I will miss a lot of things. Too many things to even type out. It's a lot of little things as well as several big things.

Change is difficult. Especially for those of us with sentimental hearts. It's not that I think this next place won't be wonderful and exciting, it's just the fact that it won't be THIS place. It's that I have to let go to move on. I will have to look forward while my heart will inevitably be holding back slightly.
BUT- this is life. Change happens. You just gotta keep breathing.

...365...

One year ago.

At exactly this time last year I was in a similar situation as I am this year. Getting ready to jump into a new adventure. And on the 3rd of September, it will have been exactly 365 days since I got on that plane to Honduras, and I will be starting classes with Ingredients Trainee Program. Slightly uncanny how the two things share the same date... but the uncanniness of it has caused me to really look back over the last year {365 days, if you will}, and take stock of everything I've been through.

It's been a rough year. To be real.

I've experienced the pain of things being torn from my grip and put on display right in front of me. I've felt the hurt of friends turning their backs toward me. I've loved things I then had to let go. And I've tripped, gotten up, tripped again, and then realized that my own two feet are the very things causing me to stumble.

But as I sit hear with sweaty eyes, I also remember that "better is a house of mourning." And I will press through the pain to find what lies ahead. Expecting good things, because with a little bit of wisdom under my belt, and with ankles strengthened from their weaker state- I will press on to a new adventure. I will fall, but always get up at least one more time. I will find rest in the fact that my Abba has something up his sleeve. And I will make the decision to look at my past with eyes seeking wisdom and understanding only, and not self-pity.

So as I get ready for the next 365, I do so knowing that it might not be easy, but it will be GOOD. I will probably trip again at some point, but He will pick me back up and dust me off.

May the Lamb receive the reward of His suffering.

SHALOM