Nicholas Sparks No More

A few years ago I wrote a post about how Nicholas Sparks and other movies like his should be labelled as "emotional porn." Harsh- I know... I then began to question my own conviction after being rebuked for that post by women that I respected. Granted- my post wasn't tilted towards the gracious side but more towards the judgmental side, so I understand that the idea wasn't welcomed to many with open arms. But let me just say right now that it was NOT my heart to shove my convictions down any one else's throat; and I  didn't mean to come across so judgmental.  I just recognized something that was causing dissatisfaction in my life. I could see the potential damage that this thing could have on my, and maybe other women's, future relationships. So let me now revisit this topic with more grace and understanding…

First off, let me point out the good that I see in these movies…
   
 I think most romantic movies such as {but not limited to} Nicholas Sparks', tend to focus on forgiveness, reconciliation, and even laying down your own desires for the benefit of someone else. Obviously these things are beneficial for all of us to observe. Also, it's good to observe love and treasure it for the beauty that it is! There is something truly "magical" about when two people decide to unite their lives and take on the world together.

Secondly, now that I have hopefully convinced you that I'm not a bitter cynic…

One of the main objections I have to steamy romances is the dissatisfaction that they seem to breed in the women that watch them. I can definitely say this is fact for  myself, but also for many other women I know that are willing to be authentic about the desires that these types of movies stir up in their hearts. It is difficult enough to be single, we don't need a movie to show us all the hot and heavy details that we are missing out on… I truly believe that being single is a gift, but often times it's a blessing in disguise- because it is disguised in all of our desire to be in a relationship or feel the "butterflies."

Another red flag I have is the expectations these movies set up for the men in our lives. Not that men should't be held to a standards, they should. And in some movies I think the male lead can set GOOD expectations for girls. But the ideal of a guy that is able to fix my car, play the guitar/piano, be a doctor, always know the right thing to say, understand what I'm feeling without me having to tell him, and have a six-pack… is just a little extreme. Like I said though, some male leads set good expectations, mostly when it comes to their character. But just like I wouldn't want my significant other to hold me to the standard of Angelina Jolie or Natalie Portman, I don't think it's fair that I expect him to be a super buff, mechanic/doctor/dreamboat.

The reason I am revisiting this subject is because it was brought back to my attention when I watched "Endless Love," the first Nicholas Sparks movie I have seen in a while. And it really confirmed a lot of my convictions I had felt a few years ago. Of course I am not saying "DO NOT WATCH THESE MOVIES OR YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE AND YOUR LIFE WILL BE TERRIBLLLLLLE." I am just saying that I think we watch these movies to flippantly without {as cheesy as it is} guarding our hearts. Everyone IS different though, and these movies do not effect everyone the same way, so you have to take care to guard your heart and I have to take care to guard mine.

My heart when it comes to this matter is that girls living the single life would truly enjoy their singleness, and not always be looking for someone to sweep them off their feet. I hope you are challenged to revisit the cheesy idea of "guarding your heart," and what that looks like for you.

Shalom y'all.




P.S. I think I am pretty settled on the idea of not watching these movies anymore just for pure enjoyment, but that does't mean I don't want to be invited to girls nights just because I'm the freak that doesn't watch chick flicks! I would rather have the blessing of fellowshipping with my sisters and have to take extra care to guard my heart, than miss out on the fellowship all together. So there's that.